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Jan. 20th, 2014 11:11 amAnd my Resolution:
I wasn’t sure that I wanted to make a New Year’s Resolution this year at all. I wasn’t’ moved to. Over the last two or three days, I have been reflecting on 2013 and the overwhelming majority of it was *awful* at work. Truly awful. My promotion fell through, I bombed a high-profile project related to said promotion that caused my reputation to be tarnished (which is tough to recover from in Corporate America), got laid off, rehired at a demotion, applied for a promotion and was denied… twice. And that was all in one calendar year.
This, of course, had a wicked effect on my home life. Nicole and I had one of our worst fights yet sometime this summer and I/we broke a lot of our trust foundation rules in one afternoon that left us damaged. She spent a lot of money without telling me, which damaged my trust.
I started Grad school, which is an amazing step toward my future, but also SCARY and stressful.
Somewhere in October, things started to even out. There was more love to go around than we knew what to do with. Things started to click again, the stress of 2013 and all my failures was starting to sting less and acceptance of this new path in life was starting to make the future more palatable… and not just palatable, but BRIGHTER. I found I no longer cared so much about my corporate environment, my tarnished reputation, the leaders agendas, and the fact that I feel like I am now just a number that counts against the bottom line.
I am a human being that matters. And I am not just a human being that matters, I have humans that matter to me that are more important than anything else that could harm me. I am also pretty darn awesome, even when I am up to my eyeballs in alligators. And my wife is awesome. Our kids are also blessing us more daily that I can even imagine. We frequently find ourselves giggling in the kitchen over a serious conversation those little boys are having in the other room. My heart is full.
So, 2013 dulled my Sparkle. This year will be about OWNING the Sparkle. Getting it back. Dusting off the year of grime that I allowed to accumulate on my spirit and filled me with dust and things that did not (in the grand scheme of things) matter. I want to reclaim the shiny person that I know that I am and lead with my heart instead of playing politics, managing other’s expectations, and forgetting that the more wonder and light I bring, the more wonder and light I give. That is what I want my wife and children to feel from me. More magic in the every day, less routine and wheel-spinning. Less fretting about getting ahead. I need to let myself embrace the refining fire that I expect 2014 to be and be sparkly in the end.
I am also going to actively Seek Joy. I am going to look at each situation and look for the joy in it and try to make sure I understand how to live into that space rather than be carried away by the rest of it.
Alright, 2014. Here’s to a return of Sparkle and Living into Joy.
I wasn’t sure that I wanted to make a New Year’s Resolution this year at all. I wasn’t’ moved to. Over the last two or three days, I have been reflecting on 2013 and the overwhelming majority of it was *awful* at work. Truly awful. My promotion fell through, I bombed a high-profile project related to said promotion that caused my reputation to be tarnished (which is tough to recover from in Corporate America), got laid off, rehired at a demotion, applied for a promotion and was denied… twice. And that was all in one calendar year.
This, of course, had a wicked effect on my home life. Nicole and I had one of our worst fights yet sometime this summer and I/we broke a lot of our trust foundation rules in one afternoon that left us damaged. She spent a lot of money without telling me, which damaged my trust.
I started Grad school, which is an amazing step toward my future, but also SCARY and stressful.
Somewhere in October, things started to even out. There was more love to go around than we knew what to do with. Things started to click again, the stress of 2013 and all my failures was starting to sting less and acceptance of this new path in life was starting to make the future more palatable… and not just palatable, but BRIGHTER. I found I no longer cared so much about my corporate environment, my tarnished reputation, the leaders agendas, and the fact that I feel like I am now just a number that counts against the bottom line.
I am a human being that matters. And I am not just a human being that matters, I have humans that matter to me that are more important than anything else that could harm me. I am also pretty darn awesome, even when I am up to my eyeballs in alligators. And my wife is awesome. Our kids are also blessing us more daily that I can even imagine. We frequently find ourselves giggling in the kitchen over a serious conversation those little boys are having in the other room. My heart is full.
So, 2013 dulled my Sparkle. This year will be about OWNING the Sparkle. Getting it back. Dusting off the year of grime that I allowed to accumulate on my spirit and filled me with dust and things that did not (in the grand scheme of things) matter. I want to reclaim the shiny person that I know that I am and lead with my heart instead of playing politics, managing other’s expectations, and forgetting that the more wonder and light I bring, the more wonder and light I give. That is what I want my wife and children to feel from me. More magic in the every day, less routine and wheel-spinning. Less fretting about getting ahead. I need to let myself embrace the refining fire that I expect 2014 to be and be sparkly in the end.
I am also going to actively Seek Joy. I am going to look at each situation and look for the joy in it and try to make sure I understand how to live into that space rather than be carried away by the rest of it.
Alright, 2014. Here’s to a return of Sparkle and Living into Joy.
