It was a hard weekend over here. 

Brenner came home from school Friday and said he was really, really tired. Didn't feel great. I Had to bounce back up to work for last-minute Friday call, so I wasn't downstairs when they got home - but Nicole took his temperature and he was at 101. Great.

He slept downstairs and stayed isolated in the back room to try to keep the rest of us healthy. Which was fine. But hard on him because he felt so puny and felt isolated. Even though we didn't put any limits on his videogame time or tablet/computer use at all. Funny. Most weekend he'd really WANT that, but when you're sick - it's just not as fun/hits different. 

He was also sick to his stomach at 8:30 on Friday night and his fever was in the 102* range, so Nicole and I decided we'd shift sleep so an adult was close by (on the couches downstairs). I was supposed to get up at 5:00 and relieve her. But I was kind of hoping for a sleep in on Saturday ... so I set my alarm for 5:30 thinking that if she was sleeping, maybe I'd get about 30 more minutes. But at 5:01 on the dot, she came into the bedroom and was like, "It's 5:00. Get up." She got me out of bed so gruffly and fast that I forgot to remove my mouth guard. I barely had the wherewithal to pull myself together before blearily stumbling from the room. I had to take a trip back up to grab my glasses off the nightstand and put my mouth guard away. 

Turns out that all of her landscaping work last week aggravated her shoulder/neck/arthritis problem and she was like a bear with a thorn in her paw. She didn't sleep on the couch at all and came upstairs angry about it. I'd already agreed to go trail running with Ashton at 9 - so going to bed at 5 AM for her, I was optimistic that I could get the kids all settled with what they needed and she might be able to sleep until almost 11:00. 

But she couldn't sleep in the bed, either. She came downstairs all salty about me going running and telling me she'd "see me in three hours" because I'm a slow(er) trail runner. We had six miles planned on a trail we know pretty well ... so my feeling were hurt. Hour and a half to two hours is about average for us at that distance on that mountain ... but she was grumpy and mean about it. We finished in an hour 49 minutes AND we even got lost in the woods. We made an error: Going the opposite (counter clock-wise) direction on the loop. In the fall where the trails are already obscured by leaves and everything looks different.  Lessons learned. 

At one point, Ashton realized we were lost (red blazes were suddenly orange) and she was like, "Hey! New trail!" And she just kept running. My brain was like, "Wait, what? Should we turn around? Are we lost? Will we get MORE lost? What's happening here?" And then I literally felt myself mentally shrug and was like, "Eh. Whatever. I'm sure this is fine." And just kept following Ashton on this trail. What's the worst that could happen, right? We eventually (like a quarter mile later) found the road and were able to reorient ourselves and go back down the parkway to our trail. So it was fine.

The rest of Saturday consisted of Nicole taking down Halloween and starting to put up Christmas. Taking care of Brenner whose fever was all over the place Saturday. And hanging out with Brooks. I feel like I MUST have done something else on Saturday ...

... Oh, that's right! Mona was here. Our college friend brought over her second grader because she had a work event/art opening to attend, so Mona was with us for a few hours. We watched the new Haunted Mansion together and it was fun. (Brenner in the back room. Poor baby.)

And then Sunday happened. Daylight savings is always a trip. Constantly feeling like you're an hour behind even when you're grateful you had an extra hour of sleep (which we just reliably started getting again with older kids). 

We also had the Grace Potter concert on the schedule. Y'all. Nicole and I went to see her together a few times pre-kids/pre-pandemic and were trying to go see her Floyd Fest 2020 that cancelled due to global pandemic. Ashton saw she was coming back in August and was also a fan (having seen her in New York as a grad student when Grace was touring closer to home/Vermont) and asked if anyone wanted to go with her. Nicole and I did. But then Brenner was sick on Saturday. He was fever free on Sunday and I was like, "It's probably okay for you to go..." But she felt like she couldn't ask her mom to watch Brenner. Sigh. So - I had this choice of going to Grace Potter with Ashton or cancelling. 

... And I elected to go. I've cancelled all races/plans with Ashton/running friends to accomodate Disney and other things, the last thing I wanted to do was bail on her the day of a concert. She probably wouldn't have gone alone - but maybe? Anyway. There was a lot of Drama around here with Nicole having FOMO and me electing to go anyway. We had a raised-voices moment where Nicole was angry at me for always going and doing things with my friends and I had to point out that she is literally invited to ALL OF THE THINGS. She always tells me no. This is the one time she said yes AND Brenner was fever-free and feeling better - if she wanted to go, I'm sure her mom would have helped. But she didn't want to run the risk of exposing her mom to germs. (Even though the minute Karen knew Brenner was sick, she was down here in his room. She did wear a mask, though.) 

Anyway. It was rough. I felt caught in a very sticky situation. But I went. And it was worth it and fun and I'm super sad Nicole couldn't/didn't go because it was a great show and she would have had a great time. SIGH.

I got home after midnight and she barely talked to me. I tried to talk to her but it was very cold-shoulder, so I just went to bed. 

AND got myself up this morning after 5.5 hours of sleep to have coffee and make the kids breakfast and do all the things I'm supposed to do in the morning because I didn't want any additional fall-out from my choices. Yes. I was tired. Did I WANT to sleep in? Yes. I did. But I got up. 

But when it got to be 7:00, Brooks was awake and said he didn't feel like going to school. Brenner ran a fever last night (the one piece of info I did get from Nicole at midnight) and was already leaning toward saying home (not information I got from Nicole last night) - so when I went upstairs to check on/wake Nicole at 7:00 and told her Brooks wasn't feelin' it, she acted like they'd already decided the kids were staying home? Brenner kept bemoaning the fact that he didn't feel like he got a weekend and at some point Nicole had told them they could stay home today because the public schools are out ... and there was a distant thought (before fever) that they could hang out with their besties and play hooky today ... but all of this was in a fuzzy space and I wasn't sure what was happening. Especially because the kids have an algebra test today that they both were acting like they had to take yesterday ... But. Brenner was sick and didn't study, he doesn't feel 100% today and Nicole *would* have taken Brooks to school, but since he wasn't feeling like it (which is rare), she leaned HARD into not taking him so she didn't have to drive across town ...

... All that to say that Nicole got to stay in bed and get more rest while I still had to get up and do all the morning things and go to work. The kids were up. They wanted breakfast. The dog needed care. And I wondered somewhere inside if this hadn't already been decided/proposed last night and Nicole didn't tell me at midnight intentionally because she was still salty about Grace Potter. (To be fair, she did get up before 8:00 - so it wasn't MUCH of a sleep-in. But if I had known, I would have gotten up at 7:00 and not 6:20 like normal.)

I mean, probably not. But in my overly-tired, already-emotionally-triggered, afraid-I-upset/disappointed-my-spouse-with-my-choices brain, it all made sense to me as I was fighting back tears smearing Nutella on a waffle. She's not a vindictive person, usually. Not with me, anyway. But I could tell she was really upset yesterday and feels like I do things with my running friends all the time. And she was salty that this was live music. She's the one who really loves live music and a lot of the time I'm not one to run toward those events. But, to be fair, they're not Grace Potter, either. 

I thought I had to work Veterans Day. But Turns out, I don't. Short week. So I asked Nicole this morning if she wanted to go hiking on Friday with me instead. She said yes. So maybe it's a start.

 The pool was a success for the kids yesterday. I'm glad they got to hang out with some school pals before school starts. We're probably going back to the pool tomorrow night for dinner, too.

It's Invest In Yourself Week and while I took my IIYD on Monday, most people take Friday. I anticipate a quiet, easy Friday tomorrow. Which, I confess, I am TOTALLY looking forward to. This week has been a challenge. Working from the pool for a few hours tomorrow sounds just about right. If I work at all. I may just knock off at 1:00 and be done with it. There are SOME perks to all this stress. Flexibility is one of them. 

By the time I left work yesterday, I had such a terrible headache that it was hard to think. I'm sure it was a hormone-induced migraine based on all the other things I've been experiencing this week. Weird because those used to come before all the other symptoms, but okay. I guess it could have also been tension. My dentist appointment yesterday revealed nothing wrong with the tooth that was tender, just encouragement to wear my night guard and she could tell I'd been clenching my jaw all day. So I guess the headache *could* have been a tension headache. But it's also ragweed season and I'm not taking my allergy meds, so it could also be allergies. 

Whatever the reason, I texted Nicole at 4:00 and prepared her for me not to come at 5:00. I'd taken extra strength Tylenol at 2:30 and usually that does it. Nope. Not even a dulling of the ache. But the evening was so pretty. A light breeze, 83*. I couldn't stand it. I put on sunglasses and drove myself to the pool. I had regrets on my way there as the sunlight stabbed my eyes. I ate, enjoyed the company, and then when we got home at 7:00ish, I went straight to the bed. Darkened the room, used my peppermint and lavender essential oils, weighted blanket, CBD, more Tylenol. I tried everything for several hours to get the aching to stop. Eventually I gave up, turned on the light and read until I was tired enough to fall asleep and then hoped sleep would cure it. 

I felt iffy this morning until I had some caffeine. I'm still not feeling ready to tackle this day, but it must be tackled. No way out but through.

The kids and Nicole are going to focus on putting their room together today. Unpacking, moving clothes. Getting new pillows. The package with their new curtains, lamp, and animal hammocks is coming today, so hopefully we get that set up, too. Then - tonight - they'll sleep in their new Big Kid/Teen room. Peeling the vinyl dinosaurs off the wall and remembering when Nicole and both lovingly put them up for them ... man. 12! They are getting so big. In fact, when Brooks flopped down on his new full sized bed, his toes are already touching the bottom. ALREADY. When we measured him and looked at dimensions of full beds, he more than fit! That was only in March! What's next for him?! How do people over 6" tall find a bed!?

I wish I could finish my cute romance novel today and start another book. Ah, working for a living is certainly in the way of the independently wealthy lifestyle I would sure like to lead.

It has been a long week. But I am home. 

The drive up Tuesday morning was fine. Meeting with my leadership team was good for the soul. I went out to dinner Wednesday night with the Alumnae Board Richmond Contingent (and had General Tsos Cauliflower - life changing!) and then came home Thursday night. 

I was supposed to come home this morning after a trip to Traders Joes for my Mother in Law. I mean, I love Trader Joe's, too. And I wanted to go - but I did NOT want to go after work on Thursday and then drive home. So I planned to stay an extra night to shop on Friday morning and come home. The plan was to attend my two early morning meetings and then go. But my Mother in Law never sent me her list. She was having a tough emotional week and kept saying "Never mind." and "I don't want anything." pretty forcefully - she's sad and angry about her housing situation and lashing out. Poor Nicole is the lightning rod. So whenever Nicole asked her (because I'm a planner), that's what she got.

So Thursday. No list from Karen. Nicole is texting me that she misses me. The meetings end at 3:00 and I'm like ... I could do this. I could meet one more client casually, I could get out the door to the hotel, be packed in 20 minutes and on the road *definitely* by 5, home by 8 ... I could do it! I'm telling my team about it and Rogenia is like, "You *could* place a Trader Joe's pickup order if you place it at lunchtime ..." 

I text Nicole one last time to see if Karen had a TJ list. Nope. So I tell her I'm coming home. 

I get on the road by 4:30ish and I'm home by 7. Halleluiah! Nicole feeds me. I brought home a Cookie Cake from the bakery at work (which is STELLAR, by the way. And cheap!) to share with them to celebrate getting home early. 

Nicole tells me that literally 30 minutes after I texted her that I was coming home, her mom called with her list. Nicole was like, "Too late, mom. She already decided to come home." Eeek. 

Like. WHY. Why do people even? I've been asking all week. And then, just when I decide it's not worth it to stop just for me and I'd rather get home, THEN the list?! I was low-key furious because now I feel terrible but also like, Why did it take until Thursday at 1:00 PM. Nicole was like, "Well, she thought you were going tomorrow morning..." And like, Sure - but still. 

Anyway. I promised the kids when I left on Tuesday morning that I would take Friday afternoon off to take them to the bookstore. But instead, since I'm here all day, we're going to go to the Starcade and Pinball Museum, too. Bookstore, Starcade/Pinball, Lunch, and then I asked Nicole out on a date, too. But she hasn't asked her mom yet even though I asked her to do so on Wednesday. Sheesh. These Celli Women and their last minute. I asked her NOT to ask her mom. If we walk to Bloom at the end of the street, the kids will be fine in the house for an hour or two. 

I'd also like to go to Buff City Soap and replenish my supply. My slip of soap that's left is teeny. These soap pirates in the house! Sheesh! Stop using Mama's good soap! 

I feel like I am working harder than I have in my whole life AND have less to show for it tangibly than ever. But that's okay. I think I've hit the level in my career where it's more strategy and thought-work while my team is delivering on the tangibles, I'm just a shepherd who gets them through gates and solves the bigger, escalated problems. Which tires my brain out. And keeps me in meetings non-stop. 

But I'm overall happy to be challenged. I mean, I am TIRED this week. I've gone to bed each night either on time or early and dropped into DEEP sleeps this week. My anxious day not-with-standing, things are going pretty well. 

I was in back to back meetings yesterday from 8:30 to 1:30 (straight through lunch) and then left for the day to go to the Local Heroes celebration. We were on time and walking through the arches onto the front quad of Hollins (the boys' school is right across the street from our beloved alma mater and they get use of the facilities) to the Talmadge Recital Hall where the ceremony was taking place, I was floored with gratitude. As I'm processing past trauma, one of the things that just GETS me every time is how Nicole and I show up. Whenever we are able (more her than me sometimes due to work), we show up. We're on time. We're totally there. Our kids never have to worry. If we say we're going to be there to support them, we are THERE. I told Nicole as much while we were walking. I was never, ever sure. And more often than not, my parents (mom) didn't show up. I was in a play in 8th grade - there was a small festival where parents were invited to come and circulate through our rooms and see what we were learning. I invited my mom. She said she was coming. I knew she wasn't. But still, throughout the whole day I held onto this hope/fantasy that she was coming just so that I could be angry about it later. Ah, preteens. But still. I remember that day so fully that showing up to Local Heroes yesterday - where we were some of the only parents in the audience - made me grateful AND emotional. 

Therapy is hard work, yo. 

But parenting my kids and feeling like I'm doing a good job - I mean, SO much better than what support I felt like I had - is both hard and beautiful. 

And these kids, y'all. Watching Brenner give Katie an award for her work with Inclusion and Diversity yesterday. Speaking in front of a crowded auditorium. I was verklempt. But also - all the other awards given, a few to civic leaders I knew, and a few I hope to get to know more. The award was founded by the first director of the school in the honor and spirit of Martin Luther King Jr. and I found out the first director and co-leader of the award all those years ago were people I've had the privilege of knowing through Points of Diversity, too. It all felt so full circle and beautiful yesterday. 

We measured the kids last night, too. Both officially taller than us. I've also lost another half an inch. Weird. Maybe I should have that checked. We measured each other after measuring the kids because neither of us could believe how tall and gorgeous they are. I'm 5" 5 1/2' and Nicole 5" 5'. The kids are both solidly 5"6'. 

As if in response, the Universe had Brenner's new bed delivered by surprise this morning at 6:30 AM. We heard a large truck and noise and looked out the window this morning in the murky dark rain and saw UPS carrying four IMPOSSIBLY large boxes to our porch. My only though was we are too old for this shit. Putting together a full-size loft bed sounds terrible. 

The friend we have that owns a painting business came last night to get the lay of the land and measure/estimate paint and cost. We're taking the kids tonight after school to pick paint colors for their room. We're starting with the guest room/den, then the hallway, then their room. In the next month, they might have a bedroom put together with beds that fit their long, lean, healthy bodies. 

The house projects for this year are slimmed down because of budget, but we're finally painting the hallway and rooms I've listed. We're having the electrician we know come out and replace some lights (my office, the hallway 'boob lights', and the fan in our dressing room) plus he'll install the ceiling fans on our porch and hopefully add electric next to the washer and dryer so we can move the chest freezer from what will be the den/guest room to the laundry area. AND I'm going to hang curtains and decorate our porch a little. That's it. With the loss of the giant tree out front, the heat on our porch makes the space infernally hot. By summer, I'd like to have some shade out there + the ceiling fans to make it a bearable place to hang out. The back yard is very shady, but with Nicole's lush garden each year and the fact that half the backyard doesn't get much sunlight and tends to stay damp after rain, the mosquitoes back there are horrible. One day - screened porch back there. Or maybe not. We may not live here much longer after the kids go to college. The plan is to buy the lake or beach house around then ... who knows. 

All of this started with feeling so much joy and gratitude this morning for my family. I'm so lucky to be co-parenting these strong boys that are empathetic, funny, are willing to talk about ethical implications of chatbots and AI (my recent obsession - I can't read enough about it), and are just great humans. I'm grateful for their school, a safe place raising the change-makers of tomorrow. And I'm grateful to Nicole for holding the world together this week as I kind of fell apart under my workload and was just exhausted in the evenings WHILE handling her mom. 

We think a cash offer was put down on the house this week, probably that young couple from Albany that asked about when the leases expire. So now we know we will have to make arrangements for Karen, but she has a great lead on a house AND learned from section 8 that her benefits went up in response to the housing price increases in the area, so she can afford to pay a little more in rent - which is good. Her options might be better than we thought. But still, moving is stressful and we'll be expected to help. I wonder if we can just offer to pay for movers? That would be worth it.

 Tampa done and dusted. It was really fun to be in person with the Senior Leadership Team. We had a very nice Happy Hour on Tuesday night with delicious nibbles and wine flights that were eclectic and delicious. And dinner on Wednesday was at this upscale restaurant with amazing food, too. The strategy meeting was productive and we're on the same page about goals for next year. While action items still need some work, I'm pleased with where we landed. All in all, good trip. 

This journal is a mix between Friends-locked posts and Public posts.  I generally do add anyone who adds me, but a comment is always nice.

I am up super early on Sunday because travel anxiety has me by the nerves. I spent all of yesterday in denial, soaking up time with my family while trying to forget all the things I have to do to get ready to fly out on Monday morning. Ugh.

I also am not the best at checking LJ on the weekends, but saw that I had some new friends thanks to the Friending Meme happening here.

Today I have to:

• Wash my work clothes (Chicago) and some summer clothes (San Antonio)


• Pack


• Host a Super Bowl Party/Family Dinner


• Conduct a Study Circle for Points of Diversity from 2:00-4:00


• Go to Brunch at a Friend’s house

I know it will all get done somehow. And I do not regret a second I spent snuggling just a little longer or staying up a little too late with the kids last night. So, all will be well.

How did I become the corporate mom that commutes between a bustling valley in Virginia and Chicago?

The kids are starting to stir and morning is about to hit the ground running.

I am armed with coffee.

This is a good thing.

Welcome to my new friends! I’ll do an intro post someday soon-ish!

My week has been such a flurry of activity. I wish I could do ERG work all the time. Being a PRIDE board member feeds my soul in ways that my day job cannot. I’m actively looking for jobs in Inclusive Diversity that wouldn’t require a Re-Lo to Chicago or a ton of travel. Being away from my family for five days this month and then another week next month makes me feel all sorts of twitchy. My to do list is getting to-done… ish. I mean, look!


I have to spend a good chuck of the afternoon writing out stop-gaps my leaders pointed out in my Measurement Strategy document. Then I have a finance call with the leader of the African American Working Network to see how they lay out the funding for their field chapters so that we can pitch a new structure to the board sometime this fall for 2016. It is already time to plan for 2016! This strategic venture position is NOT A JOKE. My head hurts.

But tonight is GAY PROM! Nicole is coming home to cook me one of our favorite meals, we’re going to get gussied up in formal wear and go out on the town while Nana keeps the kids overnight. I’m excited!

I forced myself through a simple three miler today. I don’t know what has me feeling lethargic and weak this week. I’m mightily disappointed that my athletic body is crapping out on me this week. I hope it’s hormonal or that I’ve just fed my body incorrectly for the last few days (being out of town).

And then, just like that, it was Friday.

I gauge the morning by birdsong. If there are half a dozen bird voices, it’s about 4:30 AM. And that’s about the time that Tucker threw up this morning. It was dark. By the time he started throwing up again, the birdsong placed us at about 5:00 AM. More birds, but less than the orchestral (orkestrel? Ha ha.) swell of 6:00 AM or the downright cacophony of 6:30. Poor, poor sick dog. I bet when you started this paragraph you thought it would be a lot prettier in content than it was, didn’t you? Fooled you. I’m feeling a little punchy. We’ll blame the aforementioned fact that I’ve been up since 4:30. Don’t hold it against me, okay?

It was nice to be awake and have warm and aware moments of falling back in to bed (knowing that going back to sleep is futile when your alarm goes off at 5:30) and snuggling with my wife. I sincerely love those close moments. Especially when the room is so chilly! There was a frost warning last night. It is going to be MAY next week. Frost? Seriously? It was cold enough in the house yesterday that I turned on the heater. The HEATER.

Tomorrow is the Earth Day festival and the forecast calls for temperatures in the 40s and rain. Sigh. That seems completely unfair. This is the weirdest end-of-April ever.

I was supposed to take PTO today, but decided that since it is SO cold, I might as well hole up in my office with my space heater on and work. No one wants to waste a PTO day on a chilly day in April, am I right?

I am planning on taking a leisurely run later. Like, in the next hour or so, maybe. I’ve eaten a LOT of sweets this week, so I should really run. Did I mention it’s cold? (What a wimp! I ran when it was 16 degrees and icy! Scary how easily we get soft in the spring weather.)

Our Mosely dog has something wrong. Sunday morning he lost control of his bladder. He’s 70 pounds, so when that happens, there is a FLOOD. He was in our bedroom (above our living room) when it happened and I knew before Nicole did (she was sleeping) because pee literally came through the ceiling. I thought we had a water leak! Nope. Just a Mosely Leak. He went to vet and because we’ve noticed an increase in the water he’s drinking, the loss of bladder control (which is still happening), and they couldn’t find any indication of infection, we’re looking at early renal failure or Cushings Disease. We’re crossing our fingers that the urine sample they sent off to be cultured does come back with some infection, but Nicole said that the vet seemed to indicate that it was unlikely. Poor Momo. He’s confined to the bathroom downstairs during the day now and we’re letting him out all the time. He seems to be really confused by the fact that he can’t hold it anymore. Having older critters is rough.

10 Day Meme
Day 1 - Ten random facts about yourself
Day 2 - Nine things you do everyday
Day 3 - Eight things that annoy you
Day 4 - Seven fears/phobias
Day 5 - Six songs that you're addicted to
Day 6 - Five things you can't live without
Day 7 - Four memories you won't forget
Day 8 - Three words you can't go a day without
Day 9 - Two things you wish you could do
Day 10 - One person you can trust

Five Things I cannot live without:

1. My sweet family.


2. Books.


3. Coffee.


4. Running. (And really, really good running shoes)


5. Appliances- specifically my washing machine and dishwasher. What time savers!

~~
I did six minutes of a 15 minute arm workout this morning. So. Many. Pushups. I know I need to do them and I’m working up to it. My last core workout I managed to make it 24 minutes before falling prey to exhaustion. A little more each day, that’s the goal. Strength, bit by bit. I’m amazed at what can be done at home without equipment to get you started. I mean, SWorkit is trying to kill me.

I should have gone into the office today, but there’s a slight chance of ice, I am overwhelmed with grad school work, and I have THINGS TO DO that will not get done if I am in the office chatting with my team. A responsible decision but I also feel quasi-bad about not going in when we so rarely see each other. Okay. Twice a week isn’t RARE, but still.

I haven’t weighed in for several weeks and usually do that on Tuesday mornings. I kind of don’t want to know. Which probably means I need to just check in with the scale. All my clothes still fit and I’m working out more than ever, so there’s that.

I stayed up entirely too late last night reading The 13th Tale. I absolutely LOVED the language. What beautifully crafted sentences and paragraphs. The storyline took a while to hook me, but once it did I was pleasantly carried along until the end. I have to say that I was left feeling a little lackluster at the ending, though. I don’t know why, either. Most of the readers I really respect gave it high marks on Goodreads and I was kind of “Meh.” and rated it three stars.

 I’m thinking I want to splurge on Station 11 as my next book. Or maybe throw in another lesbian romance for fluff. I also want to read The Book of Strange New Things. And neither of THOSE is on my 2015 reading challenge list!

What are you all reading?