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dreamsrundeep

February 2016

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May. 15th, 2014

dreamsrundeep: (summer feet)
I am so everliving tired. I mean, I woke UP tired. Which is funny, because my fitbit says I basically slept like the dead last night. Not a toss, not a turn. I believe it. It felt that way when I woke up... and I felt like I could have slept several more hours except that I had to deliver a presentation at work for another organization and had to get up and look *nice* today. Sigh. I asked Nicole to bring home coffee and I should be doing school work... but, instead, I wanted to reflect on our wedding day before I lose it all in a haze of speed, time, busy life, and rat race.

I had lunch with a friend yesterday and she has been the first person who said, "Tell me all about it!" And when I started talking about it, I was surprised by the things I was saying and how much of it I wanted to remember that I'd already forgotten. Elopements are kind of crazy, so whirl-windy and fast. I hardly had any time to think about the wedding, really.

Here is what I want to remember:

Getting everyone ready that morning was hectic, I was the last one. As I put on my dress, I was suddenly struck with butterflies. Really nervous butterflies! Nervous and scared! I was totally unprepared for that. All the time leading up to the wedding, it was just "making things official" and "paperwork-y"... and then that one moment of seeing myself in my dress and realizing that even though it was out 13th anniversary, this was the day we were legally getting MARRIED hit me like truck. Nicole joked with me about cold feet!

Brooks told *everyone* that "We're getting MARRIED!". The front-desk person. The cab driver. Everyone. (Even afterwards - "We got married today!"

When we arrived at the park, the officiant took Nicole and I aside and ran through the ceremony format briefly. He talked about how we were going to recite our vows, the part where we say I Do, and how we were going to exchange rings. That was another moment that boggled me - I looked at Nicole and she held my hand - we were really getting MARRIED. What on earth was happening? Why was I so nervous and excited and scared and happy and bewildered? He told us just to look at each other, that there was no need to look at him, just look at each other, be in love, make these promises to each other and let the moments be for US.

As we said our vows, I remember wiping a tear from her face and feeling a knot in my throat, tears brimming in my eyes, too. We took vows to each other in 2007 and I barely remember through the haze of that busy wedding day what it felt like. This was like a jolt to my soul, hearing the words, repeating the words, hearing her promise herself to me and then watching the officiant hand us our LEGAL marriage certificate. I was completely unprepared for the emotional impact it would have on me, on us. It was like this weird parallax frame snapped in to place and suddenly I went from seeing double to one, firm, picture.

I can't really describe how a legal marriage is any different than what we had before (especially since we are still waiting to hear what Virginia is going to do about the repeal/appeal of our marriage ban) but I do know that standing in the midst of those azaleas on that sunshiny morning as we restated our commitment to one another in a legally protected and recognized marriage ceremony, my spirit was changed. I am grateful that we did it and I am so grateful that after all these years, I can still look her in the eyes and see tears of love from her and feel my own tears in my eyes and a full heart of love for her and our family, too.